1) The first album I owned was Hammer’s Too Legit To Quit, courtesy of my aunt and uncle. Soon after, their presents focused solely on winter clothing and lottery tickets, two holiday staples.
2) My third-favorite color is red.
3) I chew ice constantly.
4) I miss Dave Chappelle.
5) You already knew that I hate baseball. But did you already know that I hate baseball?
6) I was extremely obsessive-compulsive as a kid. I’m only mildly annoying now.
7) My first girlfriend was in third grade. I broke things off over the outcome of a kickball game.
8) Every time Searching for Bobby Fischer is on television, I cannot turn away.
9) I almost died once because of an ill-conceived “wagoning” stunt.
10) I think Al Michaels would be cool to hang out with.
11) I don’t think John Madden would be cool to hang out with.
12) I stopped listening to the radio when 96X went off the air.
13) I believe that every movie is made better by a fistfight.
14) I will defend to the death the merits of Laguna Beach, Season 1. Season 2 is an entirely different story.
15) I’m often ashamed of myself. (See #14)
16) I like Fugazi. A lot.
17) I typically hate figures of authority.
18) Whenever someone says, “no pun intended,” I get upset, because they intended that pun.
19) I make a distinction between “dumb” and “stupid.” Dumb is harmless; stupid is offensive.
20) I don’t tolerate lactose.
21) Ice cream is debatably my favorite food. (Side note: God is a jerk.)
22) I did the same book report on Huck Finn from 5th-8th grade.
23) I read Huck Finn in 9th grade.
24) Both of my parents are English teachers.
26) I can’t add.
27) As a child, I had blue eyes and very blonde hair. I now have green eyes and very weird hair.
28) I often stay up all night.
29) I don’t trust anything I see on TV…but I sure do watch it.
30) Not long ago I considered moving to Belgium.
31) I am in no way morally opposed to pirating music. Relatedly, U2 sucks.
32) I’m very good at ping pong.
33) No clue what Sudoku is.
34) Someday I’d like to breed dogs.
35) I’m learning to play harmonica…slowly.
36) I thought this would be a good idea.
37) I think I’m dumb.
Or maybe just happy,