>1) I have a newfound respect for crossing guards.
2) I have a difficult time reading lengthy works of literature.
3) My favorite Cosby daughter is Denise.
4) I sincerely hate the color orange and all its variations.
5) I find pumping gas to be mildly relaxing.
6) I am simultaneously attracted to and repulsed by girls who smoke.
7) I first played the piano for two years and then moved onto bass. Guitar was the last instrument I picked up.
8) Whenever someone says, “literally,” but they were not, in fact, speaking literally…I want to throw darts at their face.
9) I’m starting my Spring Tour 2K6: There and Back in Memphis this Saturday. The tour will go until my last show in Memphis, June 5. Check here and here frequently, because we’ll be up to plenty.
10) If you’d like to purchase a shirt commemorating this tour, you can pick one up at Target. The “official” shirt is completely white. We then encourage you to write “Chris Milam Spring Tour 2K6: There and Back” on it. Maybe even, “I got my face rocked in (your city).”
11) John is my favorite Beatle.
12) George is my least favorite Beatle.
13) Two words will never fail to excite me: Pool. Party.
14) Two more words will never fail to excite me: Apple. Butter.
15) I prefer blondes.
16) I’ve been enjoying Auden lately.
17) I tell people what I’m reading in a desperate attempt to sound smart. I am, in fact, illiterate.
18) Clowns do not scare me. Clowns with guns do.
19) I hate MTV.
20) I think that Buddy Holly’s “I Fought the Law” is the first punk song. I think that these things actually merit their own post.
21) I’m scared that Pearl Jam’s new album will be disappointing…
22) …but I still pray to Stone Gossard every night.
23) Two words that will never fail to enrage me: Flat. Tire.
24) My grandmother actually killed my dog. Sort of.
25) I have asked for a trampoline for Christmas for twelve years running.
26) I wish I were a better finger-picker.
27) I don’t suffer from Writer’s Block. I suffer from Writer’s Recurring Incompetence.
28) I won Invent America in 3rd grade when I invented a shoelace-harnessing device. This, miraculously, prevented people from tripping over their shoelaces. Predictably, velcro was integral.
29) I think “boot” is the funniest non-sexual-or-bathroom-related word in the English language. (Ex: Douglas wore big ole boots.)
30) If I could spend the next two weeks in any country on the planet, I’d spend them in Greece.
31) I’d still consider moving to Belgium, if only they televised American football.
32) I think the name Donny Jeffcoat is always funny. So much so, in fact, I’m making a movement to turn “Donny” into a term synonymous with “loser” or “fruitcake” or “dweeb” or what-have-you. (Ex: Give me back my boot and quit being such a Donny.)
33) I’m bound to say something relevatory one of these days.
34) It won’t be today.
Sooner or later,